Here With Me
by Valerie E. Mackin
Summary: Rated for themes and some language, a song-fic set to Dido's Here With Me. One-shot.


Disclaimer: I own neither Angel, Buffy, nor Dido's song "Here With Me."  
  
Author's Note: Special Belated Thanks to the most awesome Beta ever, Pocket Jericho...who also writes some kick-ass Buffy/Angel fic himself.  
  
"I didn't hear you leave  
  
I wonder how am I still here  
  
And I don't want to move a thing  
  
It might change my memory"  
  
I never expected you to be such a challenge...true, you're the Slayer...but you're still human, still mortal. You've even died; I know, 'cause I was there. I never saw you coming, and for that I am ashamed. Soul or not, I should never have allowed you to affect me the way you have. You humiliated me in ways you could never comprehend, and for that I can promise you will pay. I find it hard to feed sometimes, even more than I did before. And I'm supposed to be a soulless demon now. You freed me from the prison of that filthy soul, an innocent act on your part. I would thank you, but I don't think you'd appreciate it. You didn't take something away from me. You released what was already there, something in me that has been caged for so long that I barely recognize myself. But you released me, so I guess I owe you one. And believe me Slayer, you'll get yours soon enough...  
  
"Oh, I am what I am  
  
I'll do what I want  
  
But I can't hide"  
  
The problem is that I want to feed on life, not damn pig's blood; I want to be the creature I once was, without a thought for anything or anyone except myself. But you changed everything. Even before you released my soul from it's prison you changed everything. Because of you, every kill is empty, every tortured scream is hollow, every death is without meaning or poetry. Blood is stale, fear is barren, battles are pointless. Because it is not you that I drain, not you that I terrify, not you that I fight. Well, not completely,not always...  
  
You've gotten under my skin, into my blood, no pun intended. I burn for you. Not with love, but with pure desire. I want to drain you. I want to engage you in battle until you can no longer move and then sink my teeth into your flesh as I listen to your last cries. I ache for this, dream about it each day as I lay in wait for the freedom of night. You released me, and I now I cannot let myself be free of you.  
  
"I won't go  
  
I won't sleep  
  
I can't breathe  
  
Until you're resting here with me  
  
I won't leave  
  
I can't hide  
  
I cannot be  
  
Until you're resting here with me"  
  
I've been pondering what would be the worst possible torture for you. What would make you suffer the most, cry the longest, scream the loudest. I know physical torture is nothing to you, that was the first thing I crossed from my list of ideas. I began to consider your friends next. I'm not ignorant of how much they mean to you. They're your extended family. They are still high on my list , and with this scenario, I am allowed certain degrees of the physical torture at which I am so skilled. But I remember your nightmares, I know your fears. You trusted me with your deepest feelings, told me many things that are now useful to me. Did you ever think in a million years that any of them would come back to haunt you? Do you even wonder now how all that you told me is slowly building against you, allowing me to create the perfect demise? You're afraid you will be defeated. You're afraid you cannot save your friends or yourself. You're afraid of being turned. You're afraid of becoming like me. And that is the thought that has been on my mind the most lately.  
  
A Slayer vampire. Such a thing is as of yet unknown, unheard of. Imagine the strength, the power, the chaos and disorder that would come of such a union. The thought alone sends ripples of pleasure down my spine. But I keep it to myself because I know the reactions I'd get. I prefer to keep my plans to myself for now. And as I said, this is only one of the ways I can kill you. And believe me Slayer, I will kill you.  
  
"I don't want to call my friends  
  
They might wake me from this dream  
  
And I can't leave this bed  
  
Risk forgetting all that's been"  
  
I watch you night after night, your pointless patrols. As fast as you can stake them, I can make them. And you know it. You know as long as I am around, watching you, haunting you, teasing you, you will never have the upper hand. And I know you sense me near you. Slayer sense or not, you know me. I was your first, and that means something to you. Yet another valuable piece of information I keep tucked away. You still have feelings for me, no matter how much you try and deny it, or you would've tried to take me down by now. Not that you would have actually dusted me. You'd have tried though.  
  
You battle every night, knowing that you will face me eventually. An inevitable fact. You helped create what I am now, and you'll pay for it. Karma alone would see to that. I am tired of waiting in the shadows, Buffy. I'm tired of watching you night after night. Your time is coming soon. I will allow you to watch everything you hold dear slip right between your fingers. And you will know that it was your fault, that your little indescrection allowed the pain and misery of your friends and family to be possible. I'm through hiding. It is time to begin the last phase of your short life. And cheer up. You've outlived most slayers already. You're practically an old woman.  
  
"Oh I am what I am  
  
I'll do what I want  
  
But I can't hide"  
  
So say your goodbyes to this world, Buffy. Prepare to leave your life in Sunnydale behind. I have plans for you, Slayer. I promised payback for humiliation, and I intend to keep my promise. I will quench my thirst with your blood, and I will rejoice in your suffering. And then I will turn you, the ultimate shame and humiliation for any Slayer. And what fun we'll have then. Until then, keep fighting. Who knows when you'll meet your last battle. Who knows, aside from me.  
  
"I won't go  
  
I won't sleep  
  
I can't breathe  
  
Until you're resting here with me  
  
I won't leave  
  
I can't hide  
  
I cannot be  
  
Until you're resting here with me" 


End file.
